However hard you may try losses are inevitable…One day, after an unsatisfactory phone call or after a strained talk at an all-out blowout, you mutter to yourself, "What’s wrong? Why am I not feeling he/she longer like a friend? Something has gone…has been lost" WHY?…Why would a once close friend suddenly, or even gradually, turns into lost friend?…Well… Most friendships break for one of three main reasons: a major change such as marriage or a move…neglect…or the betrayal. Here we’d suggest to take a closer look at each one.
The most frequently and usually friendship is disrupted because of a major change—for better or worse—in the life of a friend. The change factor is part emotional and part practical. Since most friendships begin when both people are going through similar experiences, when something big happens to change the status of one friend (good job, financial success, romantic relationships or marriage), it’s human nature for the other to feel some envy—"Why he/ she and not me?". And vice versa if a friend’s life is going downhill that is human nature to give up the relationship avoiding contact with a LOST friend…And for sure discovery of new limits on time, energy, and attention is mere practical source of contention between friends. The friend whose life has changed least will usually have to make more accommodations, at least during the initial period of change. Whatever the case, you can count on change to impact even your most treasured lifelong friendships.
Life is motion…all what is our life has to constantly move forward…we have to work, develop, never let it die out…Some friendships die because they aren’t moving forward. They die from stagnation or plain neglect. You promised to call but didn’t. You knew it was your friend’s birthday, but were too busy to celebrate…Think about it. When we’re busy, we only do what comes easy, and even good friendships aren’t always easy. Lack of attention and concern is sure to cause a rift. And when it does, it almost always catches us off guard, when we least expect it or can least handle it: when we’re going through stressful times at school, work, or home that make us less attentive and less able to respond—which is what caused the neglect to begin with. That’s why it can seem that the best friendships break precisely when we need them the most.
Betrayal is the most painful reason losing friend…this is a case when lost trust results in lost friend. Your confidant, who knows your darkest secrets (how deeply you’re in debt or your struggle with an eating disorder), has let one of them out of the bag. And what is morel, your close friend has the power to hurt you precisely because he/ she knows you so well; your deepest secrets arm his/her with the emotional weapon that can cut you to the core. And you’re left wondering if he/she will do it again…
Lost friend takes leave with a bang or whimper…Those that whimper simply dissolve from neglect, having run their natural course. It is normal to shed friends throughout our lives: when we leave school, when we change jobs, when we move to a new city, even when we drop an aerobics class. If you were to start a new romance, get married, have children, you probably leave behind a circle of friends…Friendships ending with a bang are more likely the result of an unexpected change or a more dreadful betrayal…
Regardless of how a friendship breaks, with a bang or a whimper, you will inevitably find yourself wondering whether it should be repaired, whether you should do what you can to salvage what is left or just let it go. If you value a relationship that has come to the end of the road, we urge you not to write your lost friend off completely—at least not just yet. Okay, so you’ve been burned, betrayed in a way you never deserved. You want to get even. But you have a choice: you can experience some momentary satisfaction by slamming the door shut and keeping it locked with offense, or you can give yourself space and time to cool off and collect your thoughts…Time really does have away of healing deep hurts. Time allows forgiveness to wash away anger and keep us healthy. Returning lost friend and restored relationship can give us perspective on our experiences, deepen our lives. So…every cloud has silver lining…Think about it…